You are made, fundamentally, from the good.
Beans has, suddenly, become very excited for her birthday. I'm not sure, exactly, where it came from, but she wants to know how many days are left (29), has ideas about what kind of cake we'll make (rainbow frosted cupcakes), wants to choose fancy sprinkles.
It's been years since I had a real family holiday. Before moving to Canada holidays were already a bit amorphous, and then leaving the country did what leaving the country does. For several years we travelled to Nova Scotia at Christmas, but after Beans was born we decided we weren't comfortable doing that, either, so all of our family visits are condensed into a few days a year in the seasons when the weather is most conducive to low-hassle travel.
All of which is to say: you'll be ok, if you miss it this year. I know you think something about your situation is special and unique and unavoidable, but you're almost definitely not the exception. Everybody has to make this choice knowing the same information. And I do know, believe me, that it feels impossible when you know that the last time you saw someone may well be the last time you saw them, but I've also been doing that, every single time I saw anyone, for more than a decade. When you can only visit once a year, every visit, every goodbye, every hug is the last one.
Even more importantly, getting together this year may well be the reason you never see someone again. In many places, Covid positivity rates are high enough that, statistically, any gathering of more than ten people is likely to cause someone's death. You have the opportunity to not do that. Don't do that.
With vaccines right on the horizon, we're so close to having a light at the end of this tunnel. I promise, I promise, that gathering in mid-summer will be just as meaningful and precious as gathering in November and December. I promise you can make all the food you love just as easily in June. I promise you can hold your dearest ones closer just as easily in August.
That's all I've got for you this week, folks. My home county in Illinois estimates a 96% chance that any gathering of 15 people will have at least one infected person. Please, please don't get together with people outside your household. Don't kill your grandma, or anybody else's grandma, or anybody's baby, or your friends, or anybody else, because you didn't want to wait just a few more months.
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