You gave me blue and I gave you yellow.
Since I last wrote, there's been a big shift. G and I talked over the Easter weekend about how our respective workloads were faring, and while mine was kinda sorta ok, it was only managing to meet that mark because he was "on" at absolutely every available moment, and it was getting overwhelming. So, as things go when you're the supplementary income and not the main one, we made a really hard decision to de-prioritize my job.
It makes me really sad. I love the women I work with (one of whom I've known for years) and I love the work I've been doing. I'm a little bit frustrated about having to make this decision, a little bit frustrated by the circumstances that demand it, a little bit frustrated that I've never been able to have a career that provided enough to be the primary one in our family. It's ok for the most part, and the decision was mutual, but the fact remains that something had to give and the thing that gave was mine.
And this is a choice we made as a family where my partner was "on" for often 16 hours a day, six of those as solo parent, trying to make it work so I didn't have to give this up. We did it that way for a month and he didn't complain about it. But that's just not sustainable.
So now I'm trying to figure out how to redistribute my workload among my team in a way that doesn't overwhelm all of them in turn, all of them handling almost exactly the same situation as mine with just as few resources, and I'm so frustrated for them. There's no one to be angry at; this thing that's happening just is. My household is lucky that we can afford for me to step back in order to not drown under it. But my situation is not unique, and I'm angry that on a global scale so many women's jobs and careers and lives are being crushed by this. Necessity reigns, and what this necessitates for many, many families is that someone shifts from work to caretaking. As has been the case for most of modern society, those duties largely fall on women.
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